Archive for April, 2012
* colors are weird! see footnote!
I’m a bit of a perfectionist professionally. I’ve never missed a deadline. Once my computer died right in the middle of a client’s newsletter cycle. I went out and bought a new one, installed all the needed software and got the job done on time—with my near two-year-old in tow the whole time. See this press release? It’s dated my child’s birthday. The actual day my kid was born. I think I posted that early in labor, sometime mid-day. Not only am I on time for clients (and employers) but I’m on point. Everyone makes mistakes once in a while, of course, but a perfectionist genuinely feels bad about a mistake, fixes it promptly, apologizes and does better next time.
In my personal life, it’s a whole other story!
The past couple of weekends I’ve been doing some home improvement projects and my lack of perfectionism in my own life for my own things really was thrown in my own face—by me. I paint as well as I can. I hate the process of taping off ceilings and trim, though, and while I told myself this time I’d do it, I did about 4 feet of taping, got impatient and decided—screw it, I have a good and steady hand and I can do it without tape. For the most part I did and it looks fine. That’s me. Fine. The hallway by our bedrooms still isn’t done and I don’t think I’m going to make my self-imposed deadline of this Friday because I’m just over it, and I am totally OK with that. It will get done when it gets done.
Another weekend project was installing a backsplash in my kitchen. Overall, for a non-handy person, I think it looks pretty good and I am proud of it. Is it perfect? No! And I’m not going to waste my time detailing all the ways it’s not perfect. No normal person who comes to the house would probably notice (OK, they might, no slam against them, but would they care? I sure don’t think so!)
As long as we’re talking about imperfection and missed goals, let’s talk about my body! I’ve been scribbling out and rewriting weight loss goals on my calendar all year. I have been losing weight, and I am generally fine with my body, but ideally, I need to lose 10-15 pounds. I’ve had mini victories, in fits and starts, and I have no doubt that eventually I will succeed in reaching my goal, but, if I was doing this weight loss and getting in shape work for a client, I’d have been fired by now!
And…this is so unlike me…remember that Sketchbook Project thing I signed up for? Due postmarked next week? I’m scrambling to get it done. I never scramble at the last minute on projects for others. But, that’s just how it goes sometimes when you are self-employed, your own projects come only after your client projects—and all the work of holding the house together—are done. (I won’t even go into detail on how far behind I am on my Code Academy lessons!)
Taking a break from all the home improvement projects, I went to hot yoga yesterday. Here, my imperfection smacked me upside the head like a 2×4! Sweating my ass off, struggling to hold poses I’m not nearly as deep into as I should be, feeling so tired, almost broken. But instead of breaking, I melt. I ooze into my imperfection and my thoughts go to my dear husband and child at home, playing together, somehow getting along with out me so I may have this time. And I think of how much they love me, as imperfect as I am, and it’s so wonderful!
Clients and bosses don’t love you. They may like you a lot, you may do a great job for them, like I do. I get so much satisfaction from a job well done and having people paying me for my work being very pleased with what I’ve done for them. But, oh, how much more satisfaction do I get from people who love me NOT for my perfection, but without even a thought of my imperfection! They love me because I am me and because I am theirs! They just appreciate that I do things like paint and try to keep up our house and make them food and cuddle them. I don’t have to be a professional at any of it for them—though I am a damn good cook!
* A word about color: The color in these photos looks a little off and I don’t have time to futz with the settings, but in person, I’m happy with it! A friend asked which shot best represented the color and it kind of depends where you stand and which lights are on. Neither pic looks quite right to me, but the rosier I think are closer. I would say the colors are fairly neutral bluish greys, but the darkest grey, when you’re in the room picks up the purple-ish counters (which I don’t want to keep forever anyway, but felt like I had to work with for the time being…) just wanted something very basic and neutral without being just plain white or cream.