Anyway, even with work and 2 kids, I do feel that I’m able to enjoy. My secret is to take time-out moments where I just play and watch the kids play, in between doing tons of laundry on the weekends!

The people whose kids are grown who come up to you in the store and say, “Oh, it goes by so fast. Love every minute,” are trying to say, “I’ve been where you are, and I know it was hard, but I miss it now.” But, you know what? They don’t miss it really. They miss the best parts–like we all do when we get to thinking about the one who got away. They remember the Kairos and they forget the Chronos, and telling someone to “love every minute” is their way of saying, “I made the choices that you’ve made and if I’d known then how much I’d cherish the good bits, I wouldn’t have let the daily slog of it all get to me so much.” But you can’t give a stranger your own hard-won insight. It’s like trying to get your girlfriend to break up with the skeevy guy who treats her like dirt. It’s easy to see what’s important when you aren’t in the thick of it.

If you, Gretchen, don’t get bogged down by picking up the laundry that you just re-folded before you turned your back for five minutes and the little darlings dumped it out and flung it all over the room…again, or scrubbing the crayon marks off the walls…again, well, more power to the power of your positive thinking. But I think I speak for many more mothers who really appreciate having someone say out loud what I actually think it has become trendy to deny: a majority of the day of a mother of young children is spent in unpleasant drudgery and self-doubt, and it doesn’t help to receive insight and advice from people who are convinced we will one day regret cherishing the time spent soaking up urine from the wall-to-wall.

I am not panicky or paranoid (as Glennon stated) about capturing every second– I just pay attention. I am not cynical about parenting like Glennon. I have noticed that some parents are happy-go-lucky, enjoying the special times with their kids and dealing with the challenging times as they arise. These parents are excited to share experiences with their child and take extra efforts to participate in their child’s life. When obstacles happen such as temper tantrums or poor behavior, the incident is dealt with and the parent moves on. Then there are some parents who are always focused on getting the child to a babysitter or to a nap or to the grandparents– seems they are always trying to find time away. These parents groan when school is out and applaud the days their kid(s) go back. The key is BALANCE. And if the BALANCE is out of whack, the perspective is out of whack too. And thus you get the perspective of the panicky and paranoid parent (Glennon) who is questioning their ability to parent and counting the hours until their child goes to bed. So with perspective, one must have balance. AND what your balance is may be completely different to another person’s balance.

I noticed with some of the comments to Glennon’s piece that the parents that enjoy every second are the parents who have faced adversity or challenges with parenting: a woman who couldn’t get pregnant that finally conceived, a man who has gone through the wringer in a bad divorce… does it take a bad situation for someone with Glennon’s perspective to finally see how to CARPE DIEM? Is it that Glennon’s balance is tilted more toward herself; therefore, her needs are as important or more important than the child’s? So in the case of the Target scenario where her child shop lifted and interfered with a customer’s financial transactions, Glennon was more concerned about how the situation effected HER (ie: she’s tired, doesn’t want to deal) than to lovingly handle the child and find humor in the situation? That incident could most certainly be a kairos moment!

I DO try to soak up every second. I DO try to capture every single moment. Time already has flown in the first 5 years… and I have seized the day since the day she came into this world. I do my best to make a positive impact on my child’s life– and to appreciate all she has to offer. I pay attention to what she has to say, what her observations are, how she feels, what she sees. My perspective is that I am a parent– and parenting takes being selfless. I am not needing “me” time away from my child– there was plenty of that time before my child and there will be plenty of time after she’s grown. Right now is the time for me to be a PARENT, giving of my time & energy and focusing on her best interest.

Does that mean I ignore my needs? Certainly no. But I am not hurrying to get her to bed because she had an emotional day. And I am not oblivious to what she’s doing, allowing her to shop lift as well as interfere with a shopper’s financial transaction. I am in tune with what my child needs– and I love it. I, first and foremost, am a parent.

I don’t wish away those moments or feel the time is dragging OR count the hours until she goes to bed. Quite the contrary! I can’t wait until she gets up in the morning to start our next adventure. I enjoy seeing her eyes light up when we experience something new. I relish hearing her creative stories about life. I adore her questions and innocence about the world. And I even chuckle inside when she gets aggravated when she can’t figure out to wear, writes her name on the walls & furniture, and refuses to eat the way I did at that age. Sure, I take a firm stance and guide her to the proper reactions, actions, and responses BUT I cherish the moments of being able to have the HONOR of being the PARENT of this child… I am humbled that I have been BESTOWED THE RESPONSIBILITY of raising this child.

Another comment about Glennon is that she compared parenting to an excruciating physical activity (climbing Mt. Everest). Again, her perspective of parenting is not favorable or positive. Parenting is not a pain-staking and agonizing challenge that very few people are successful at completing! Heavens no! Parenting is quite the opposite. Reverse the Mt. Everest scenario and you have parenting. The climb is highly enjoyable and magical. And with unconditional love and patience, countless parents are successful.

I have tired days. I have grumpy days. I have sick days. BUT my patience and PERSPECTIVE to parenting doesn’t change. I am determined to give my child the best I can, and I will seize the day– EVERY ONE OF THEM– and soak in every single moment.

Anyhoooooooooooo, I concur with your sentiments. Keep on writing! Cheers )

Anyway, I totally get what you’re saying about it feeling subversive to say you’re happy, but I don’t think the carpe diem author was saying she isn’t happy … just that there are moments (like in Target, and yes, it is hard to manage 3 kids and shop at the same time, and yes, I go by myself as often as I can) that aren’t that much fun at the time they are happening and there is no reason to feel guilty about that. I actually love for the older ladies at the store to tell me to enjoy it, because it allows me to stop for a moment and have that kairos. But when Casey is antagonizing Reed and making him cry for the 20th time in a day … yeah, I don’t enjoy dealing with that. It’s part of sibling dynamics, and it is my job to referee, but it sucks. It doesn’t mean I’m not overall happy as hell with my life, though.